April 2021 - thought repository
A few months ago (what year is this again?), I was told about a giant wave of energy that would shock the masculine grid, right in the FEELS. A heart center opening. The thing about spiritual work - sometimes I think I know what to expect, but it just doesn't turn out that way. I am wrong all the time and I'm not afraid to admit it. Life is just more terrifying and beautiful than we could ever come up with or imagine ourselves with our limited consciousness. This wave was an energy that has not been present in our collective consciousness for ages - I had no idea what was coming. One reason it is so hard for me to write a blogpost or record a podcast episode on any topic is because our world and the energy that it consists of is so unbelievably layered. And everything is related to everything else. So anything I say will be a woeful misrepresentation of what is happening behind the scenes. Such is the nature of the masculine shift.
A masculine heart opening - what a terrifying prospect. Every wave of emotion that a masculine energy-identifying person has been told to stuff away deep inside themselves is being forced to the forefront and into the spotlight. Even subconscious issues that an individual never consciously thinks of, or never dreamed about dealing with because it is in the "past" - these issues are front and center at this time. Childhood trauma, privilege, perspectives toward women, and perspectives about what masculinity is, are all major energies present in this shift. I could go into detail forever on this discussion, but this is the main idea.
Just like so many of the closed and hardened hearts out there, I was simply not prepared to feel it. The masculine energy in our collective has been hypnotized into believing that it was not made to feel - only made to be strong, alpha, courageous, survivalist, violent when "necessary", lacking fear or sensitivity, and so many other toxic traits. We accepted these attributes as a society and look for them to determine the measure of a man. In my perspective, it's wrong. Masculine energy is so much deeper and more beautiful than these dense, unbalanced traits. Masculine energy is the principle of action, direction, structure, form, movement. It is the beauty of a solidified moment in "time", the apparent solidification of matter itself. It is power, not force. Masculine energy leads, protects, nurtures in its own way. It is the direction and flow of emotion, while feminine energy is emotion itself. The masculine is the giver and actively appreciative observer, and not at all the unfeeling, hardened, forceful energy that we have been taught to see.
Feminine energy has likewise been told that we feel too much. Perhaps one reason for this is because we have "dutifully" assumed the pain and emotion of the masculine grid. For far too long, the feminine collective has accepted and processed the pain that the masculine refused to feel - was unable to feel, because they simply did as they were told and shut off their emotions. We did this subconsciously and sometimes consciously, and in return recieved the trope of the emotional, hysterical, and overly sensitive person. I am not here to blame masculine energy - even those who identify as feminine energy also embody toxic masculine traits in a lesser way. I discuss this because it is time for the feminine to relinquish the role of feeling for masculine. It is time for the masculine to feel for itself, and remember what is means to be a vessel that is simply housing a gradient of two distinct forms of the same energy.
In partnerships and sexuality, dominant unhealed masculine energy begins to see that its approach causes feminine energy to hide itself. Energy cannot flow unhindered between the two in this context without a balanced approach. Such a cliché, but it truly is a dance. Feminine energy that was taught to protect itself with toxically dominant masculinity may be invited out of its hiding place by the healed masculine. This is not to say that feminine energy is so delicate as to need protection at all times. (Feminine energy is actually quite dark and all-encompassing in my experience, but this is a topic for another day.) The point here is to understand that both masculine and feminine energies are clearing their eyes when it comes to perceiving the nature of the other, particularly as it relates to the masculine connection to emotion. I've seen countless shakeups and breakups in relationships over the past two months, all stemming from this same energy, manifesting in a million different ways. The best guidance I can offer is to leave the masculine energy alone to do its thing - let it glitch out and figure out that it is missing emotional integration, patience, and flow. Do not carry their emotions for them. Do not be the fixer. Do not "resuscitate." Relinquish the need to control them - do not purposefully fortify the masculine at the expense of feminine. The masculine has suppressed feminine energy - including its own heart - for far too long. I think instead we should focus on trusting masculine energy to find its own way and rise to the challenge of coming back into its own balanced frequency.
Some people look at the world and see no imbalance. This is the lens of privilege. Society is imbalanced in so many ways and against so many groups of people. But the oppression of women and ethnic minorities has been in the process of release from the grid in earnest for the last two years or so, particularly in recent months. I am seeing this play out in increasingly heavy and painful ways these past few weeks. As we connect and grow into our consciousness more and more, masculine and feminine energies are able to see the other with more clarity and empathy - understanding that all energies originated from one. Probably one of the most important parts of this post is a request to proceed with caution for those who resist the heart opening. The universe will not hesitate to send emotionally painful events to a stubbornly closed heart - even the loss of career, relationships and other pillars of identity, physical injury, and close encounters with death.
Connection to the grid is a blessing and a curse - one that causes me to sit in the pain of others and believe it to be my own if I am not careful (I do not recommend this - empathy is not the righteous avenue that society claims it is). This connection also shows me who I am, who others are, and what we are not. Even when it is painful to look. Energy is the truth. The grid does not lie. And sooner or later, a gridworker has to face and accept the reality of unhealed energy within themself. I have been the feminine that has tried to process the heart center pain of the masculine, and I have felt the collective feminine do the same. I have been the feminine that has been angry with the masculine and devalued the masculine for being unable to feel, and I have felt the collective feminine do the same. I have been the feminine that expressed unhealed masculine energy throughout my life - to live life "independently", to ensure career success, to protect myself from feeling hurt. It is the way I dealt with my depression and the way that I was taught life should be lived, if it were to be lived "correctly" in this society. All of these expressions of energy are simply methods of control. Control that is meant to act preventatively in the case of feeling painful emotion. Unfortunately, this is the exact opposite way to properly deal with emotion. We all carry the wound of toxic masculinity within us. Perhaps I am feeling this heart opening so strongly because I did this; I followed this pattern. I resisted. I have a control problem too. I am the unhealed masculine. When I work on this in myself, I change the energy of the masculine grid. The same goes for you.
This is an open energetic call to the collective and to the awakening spirit inside each of us. I think it's time to awaken the heart of the masculine. Remember its sensitivity and emotion. Allow the inner child of the masculine to be mothered in the energy of nonjudgment. Celebrate the true nature of humans and of masculine-identifying persons as dualistic beings that are also multidimensional outside the limitations of form. Don't forget that we define each other. Let the healed define the healed instead of the other way around.
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
Love from behind the scenes,